Archive for the ‘Open Letter’ Category

Dear Blog Stalker,

You seem to think that you know both me and my life story. You seem to think I am telling it ’selectively’.  You call yourself a ‘friend‘ who was there and saw what really went on.  You accuse me of twisting these stories to make myself look like the victim.  (Yes, those were your exact words).  This is me telling you that this is my story, not yours.  You seem to be the one who is confused.  You are not the one who has lived my life, I have.  I think it is not only sad, but pathetic that you need to hide behind an email/screen name and bash me.  If you have something to say to me about MY story or have your own opinion on the way things evolved to where they are today, please…..PLEASE…..enlighten me, because I would LOVE to hear how you know so much about how I’ve lived my life!  You seem to have the balls to send me emails telling me that I have a selective memory or that things did not happen the way I say they did yet, you don’t have the balls to reveal who you really are.  I will tell you who you are.  You are a sad, pathetic and lonely little person who still lives in the past.  From your comments, I assume that something about my story has created a jealousy that apparently only you can understand.  You are the type of person who tries to bring others down, down to the level at which you live your life.  I am sorry if something I have written is not the way you heard the story told.  I’m sorry that your source is anything but reliable.  Lastly, I am sorry that you see my story as being told selectively but guess what….it’s my story to tell….not yours!

Thanks for taking the time, energy and effort to stalk me.

Dear Door-Door Roller-Blade Wearing Flyer Delivery Guy,

While I understand that you are paid to go door-to-door and leave flyers hanging on every doorknob in town, I do have a few complaints that I wish to share with you.

First of all, I do not appreciate you wearing short shorts (really short shorts) while you are in the workplace — it frightens me and I fear that something might “pop” out and scare not only me but my children and I am trying to protect them.

Secondly, not only do you deliver the above mentioned fliers on roller blades and in really short shorts, you listen to music on your old school walk man and sing rather loudly to the hits of the 80’s while in the workplace and let me tell you, your customers and co-workers……they do not enjoy it.

Third, honestly how many fliers for cash advances, lawn care, cellular service and nail salons do you really think we need??  Between the fliers on my door and the emails in my Spam box, I think I have things more than covered.

Lastly, just because you saw me come outside to get the mail and walk back into my garage to go back into my home, while leaving my garage door open, DOES NOT give you permission to enter said garage and leave a flier hanging on my garage door.

Now, Mr. Door-Door Flyer Roller-Blading Delivery Guy you may ask what would I like you to do to correct this?  For starters, do the entire town a favor and wear some clothing that actually covers you from the waist to at least the knee.  Also, stop singing when you’re wearing headphones because in all honesty…..you look like a jack-ass!  Next, maybe you should pay attention to the no soliciting sign on my front door! Lastly, stay out of my garage….nobody invited you in!

I’m really quite tired of picking up garbage fliers off my porch, lawn, mailbox and now my garage.  If you keep leaving them behind I am going to follow you home one day and then when you go to bed at night, I am going to put every flier I have on your door and yard and see how you like it!

Thank you,

mommy…mommy…MOMMY!!!

Dear Hardworking Hubby,
Oh how I love you……….even though you’re lazy. I love that you know you’re lazy and you admit it to me everyday! However, no matter how much you admit it and how much I love you that is not an excuse for not helping around the house more, leaving your stuff lay around and not cleaning up after you cook! In all honesty, there are very few things about you that I dislike. The things I dislike are:

• Your Lazy – By far my top complaint!
• You sweat……..profusely! (I understand it’s not your fault, but it drives me nuts!!
• You snore…not all the time but when you do……..grrrrrrrrr!
• Your temper…….you need to learn to control it better!
• When you leave a dirty dish on the counter instead of putting it in the dishwasher! (Ok….so this one falls under the lazy category…..get over it)!
• Your selective hearing! —Really—-need I say more????
• Your dirty laundry on the floor!

I think this might be it! However I do reserve the right to change this at any time without any notice, so I suggest that you don’t develop any new bad habits!

Let me lift your spirits now that I’ve complained and tell you that there are a million and 12 things that I do love about you and they outweigh the bad by far!! My number one thing that I love about you more than anything is that you make me laugh so hard I think I’m going to wet my pants every time!
Love Always,
mommy…mommy…MOMMY!!!